Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
