I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
