i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
