3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
