conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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