i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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