hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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