Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let's get the cat blown out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
