Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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