porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
