i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
