bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
