My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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