well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
