Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
