WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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