Where did you get a picture of my penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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