just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The struggles of a small town man whore
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
