Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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