her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i think i just lost a toe
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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