Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
