All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
