how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
