I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
