You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
