Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is Oprah even human
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
