I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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