Having a random hookup so left but love u
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
