So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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