I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
