i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i came on her dog
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
