so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
