I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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