Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
