final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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