So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
