The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
