obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
