I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
