My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
