they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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