I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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