Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
