i just wanna soil my oats bro
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
