I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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