I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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