All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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