If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
