You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
