Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
