How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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