looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
