Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
