This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
