Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Randomize
