I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
